Sincerely, Sally B.

Sally B. is a nickname my uncle gave me. It's how I'd sign all my notes, cards, Highlights artwork and my My Little Pony collection. It was cute when I was 8. So sue me if I'd like to go back to a time when coloring, jelly shoes and Easy Bake Ovens were in.

Sep 14, 2009

South of the Border

To the nation of Mexico on the quality of your workers,

Here's the thing. I respect that your people love to cross the border just as they're giving birth to illegitimate children. Welcome to America. However, I do not appreciate it when I am blatantly ignored at the request of a water refill. Also, it is not entirely strange to order fries in a Mexican restaurant. I happen to have a sensitive gastrointestinal system that does not respond well to enchiladas or beans. I do find it strange that the 17 catsup packages you gave me were coated in a honey-like substance.

In addition, I'd appreciate it if you could check my identifcation card more often. Not because I enjoy the rush of youth (I do) but because I'd prefer to not be served another virgin margarita. It's not really beneficial to my evening.

Thanksabunchyouassholes.

Sincerely,

Sally B.

P.S. To the beautiful man I took a picture of with my Blackberry from across the bar: Sorry I referenced your girlfriend as a Nikki Hilton look-alike plus 30 lbs.

P.P.S. I apologize for my young blonde friend, she is excessively angry over the theft of her jeans and use of her loofa by a roommate.


Posted by at