My girl Zoila got that swagga.

Sincerely,

Sally B.

Sincerely,

Sally B.

Emails from Dad

"Did see a funny site yesterday while at the dam fishing... looked up, and driving across the dam in *neighborhood*, I see a gaudy van (black and yellow) with STOPSNORING.com all over it... obviously not a resident here, and funny looking coming in here... nothing subtle about it. And where in the heck did it come from? A STOPSNORING franchise in *town* will not make it. I mean they came a long way. Must be a snoring crisis here. H1Snore1."

It's hysterical that we share genetic material.

Sincerely, 

Sally B. 

Sick joke.

I got an allergy test this week. FML.

Nurse: Well, it looks like you've got a few responses here.
Me: So, does that mean he [meaning the doc] will give me something to take?
Nurse: We have a lot of patients who decide to take allergy shots for convenience.
Me: I'm not afraid of needles. My baby sister passes out at the sight of them. Not me. Great veins. Check that out. [Showing her my arm.]
Nurse: We can set them up for you, if you'd like to commit to taking them once a week for 3-5 years. That's about how long it takes to get used to the bits of the allergens we place in the shot.
Me: 3-5 YEARS?!?! You said convenient! [It was about here that I went into panic attack mode.] I'm not one of those people with a 5 year plan for anything. I mean, I should probably sit down and write out some long term goals for myself, you know? I'd love to see Italy. I've always hoped I could get in with a publishing house. Be a book editor. I'd probably have to move to Chicago or New York, but I can take it. I like winter. Maybe date a food critic... cause they know the best restaurants.
Nurse: Well, some of the molds you're allergic to can be found in food and beverages... beer, wine, a lot of cheeses, condiments...
Me: Beer?!?! Wine?!?! CHEESE?!?! This is a sick joke... I might die. At the very least I might cry.
Nurse: [awkward chuckles] The good news is that these allergies won't kill you.
Me: That's what you think... You're a pretty good listener, actually.
Nurse: Thanks. Let me get you some information on our mold headache diet....

Some effing Wednesday!

I just had fries for lunch. NOT on the diet.

Sincerely,

Sally B.

I totally missed my calling in musical theater. There are literally no words for how excited I am about this show. Just watching this extended trailer makes my heart sing. I couldn't even sit still to watch the first full minute. There was dancing, singing and low-grade arm flailing in my living room around 43 seconds in. Just when you thought HSM was gonna do it for me. So WRONG. And, yes, I watched this video more than twice.

P.S. Watch the whole thing ... damnit, I said THE WHOLE THING!

 
Sincerely,

Sally B.

Favorites

Growing up, mom got a real kick out of telling each of us that we were the favorite child. In front of the other two. (Her way of getting back at us for 3 C-sections.) Violence ensued, followed by fake tears, whining and incessant bragging. LOTS of bragging. Rub-your-sister's-nose-in-the-dirt-til-she-bleeds-and-cries bragging. And since then, it's been a constant war for the number one slot. (Example: Christmas '04. Mom subtly mentions a Kosher salt dish she saw at Williams-Sonoma. It was October. On the hush-hush, I spend the next 9 weeks making sure she doesn't find one on her own and then hunt down every possible W-S dish this side of the Mississippi. Why? Because, by god, the one who places it under the Christmas tree is DEFINITELY the favorite.) For a while, we were convinced that the winner would play to geography and the one who moved furthest away would become the fav by default on account of distance. But this week's voice mail from dear old mom has solidified the top spot forever.

Mom (driving the car with Caroline): "Honey, it's mom. I just wanted you to know that Caroline tried to trick me into saying she was the favorite, baby, but I didn't fall for it."
Caroline (from the passenger seat): "Uhhh, I can hear you, you know."
Mom: "Now that she's moved back to town she thinks she can just trick me, but I'm quicker than that."
Caroline: "Mom, what are you trying to do right now?! I can't believe you're saying this in front of me."
Mom: "Ok, I gotta go. She's getting pissy. Love you. You're my favorite."

((Fist pump!!)) I'm still the one. Forever #1. Keep up your game, baby sister. The old lady could use a new watch.

Sincerely,

Sally B.

The one in which we bid farewell to summer...

Thanks to Brooklyn's own @kev_oh via Blip.fm.

Sincerely,

Sally B.

"A statewide survey of adults found that 27 percent believe that 'a lot' of Alabama families are cutting the size of meals or are skipping mealtime altogether because of financial considerations."

This from the 3rd fattest state in the country, second fiddle only to Mississippi and West Virginia. 


Sincerely, 

Sally B.  

Basically, Troy and Gabriella (errr, Zanessa) make me believe in love. And Proactive.

Sincerely,

Sally B.

Unlabor Day texting

Dad: Holiday?
Me: Booze. I like this game.
Dad: Lake?
Me: Booze. I could keep this up all day.


Sincerely,

Sally B.

Reason #7,412 I'm not having kids.

Internet. Privileges. Revoked.

Sincerely,

Sally B.